With the sight of New Years on the horizon, I am devoting the coming month of articles to the things I have learned and practiced in the art of resolutions, habits, and personal challenges. Hopefully, some of what I discuss in the coming weeks can help us all prepare to make and maintain the changes we want to see in our lives and practices.

Perhaps the most crucial aspect of resolutions is how we identify and find the purpose of the goals and systems we are looking to develop.

All the Wrong Reasons

One of the most consistent sources of insecurity over the years has been my weight. Since early elementary school, I was always heftier than most. My weight was a constant source of ridicule from friends.

By the time I was in high school, what I now understand as body dysmorphia, was gasoline fueling the psychological destruction of my friend’s “jokes.” Junior year I decided I had enough. I was tired of the treatment and tired of how I looked. I would do anything to lose weight. In a short and starved seven months, I dropped 70 pounds, all for the wrong reasons. Praised replaced the ridicule, a small victory. My dysmorphic monster-in-the-mirror, however, could not be fooled.

What I didn’t understand was that this harsh and unhealthy response wasn’t a sustainable source of motivation. Without a real sense of purpose behind my decision, external motivation could only sustain for so long. Since that first bout of weight loss, I yoyoed back and forth for years. I was sure that if I could get the numbers down, I could overcome my dysmorphia. But the goal post kept moving, and the numbers were never good enough. Soon depression and lack of motivation put the weight back on. And around we go.

This past summer, I decided to dig a bit deeper. I figured I was focusing too much on the wrong ideas. What was it that I wanted to see and feel about my body that made me want to lose weight?

I discovered that I wanted to see and experience the qualities and feelings of someone who is physically fit, not merely obtain the body composition of someone fit. I needed to expand my vision to see that the weight was just a superficial element of the whole identity that I was looking to project.

So I re-aligned my practices to go in search of that feeling. I made fitness a part of my identity. Proclaiming this new identity promoted the importance of consistency and excitement over a number on a scale. The only way to validate the feeling and prove my new character, to myself and others, is to put in the work. Developing this more profound sense of identity gave my goals a real purpose.

Since then, it has been eight months of consistent and endless motivation. My health and fitness are no longer objective qualifications but personal and purposeful measures. I feel better and healthier than ever. Even more important, I get to prove that to myself every day.

Discovering and Maintaining Intrinsic Identity

We rarely, if ever, want the superficial or material outcome, even if we may think we do. What we are truly searching for is the feeling, ideology, status, or lifestyle that comes with owning that object or achieving that goal. For example, when someone says they want to be “rich,” they often seek a financial threshold, when in reality, what they long for is the lifestyle and status of those who are “rich.” Attaining, the former does not constitute the latter.

The point here is not to invalidate or shame any superficial goals. The first step in finding intrinsic motivation is to dig deeper into that desire and figure out what the deeper, ideological need is. Why is this goal important to you? Once we have a better understanding, we can begin to change our vocabulary and how we visualize our goals.

“I want to read a book a week” becomes “I want to be a reader.”

“I want to lose 30 pounds” becomes “I want to be athletic.”

Qualitative goals, while specific, can only ever be transient. Identities and feelings, on the other hand, require sustenance. Our “book a week” is a step. Defining those steps can be necessary along the way, but that step has to lead to something bigger, a broader sense of purpose of identity. Without this understanding, the steps will feel unfounded and arbitrary.

The second step is to proclaim our new identity to the rest of the world. Tying our practice to our identity, and being open about that, guarantees self-fulfilling consistency and devotion. We’ve hinged our accountability on how we define ourselves. Is there anyone who prides themself on being an athlete that isn’t actively athletic? We either are, or we aren’t. Our actions support and verify our identity.

Once we have established our identity in ourselves and our actions, we have taken a significant step towards long term change. Consistently reminding ourselves of our purpose will maintain our resolve and efforts for as long as we choose to define ourselves by it.

Moving Forward

As we prepare for our looming resolutions, let’s spend some time thinking about what it means to us and who we are. Establishing our purpose as it relates to our identity will prove to be an essential source of motivation. It is the foundation on which we will develop our practice, encourage consistency, and inform the methods that we use to maintain our resolution for the long term.