by Owen | Feb 24, 2020 | Impromptu, Practices, Vocabulary
You wake up with a start. Look at the clock. Shit. You accidentally slept in — and you had the best morning planned too. You were going to go to the gym, spend a few minutes journaling, and eat a healthy breakfast. And now what? You are rushing to the shower, throwing clothes on (whatever is on top of the hamper), and running out the door — probably to Starbucks for a last-ditch hit of caffeine and a breakfast sandwich. The rest of the day, you can’t focus, you’re bleary-eyed and lashing out at co-workers. By the time you get home, you can’t be bothered to do anything but slump on the couch and watch TV before bed. A whole day wasted.
We’ve all had days like this. An extra hour of unintended sleep somehow puts our whole day to hell. But how do we keep something so small from affecting our entire day?
Think back to your bad mornings and rough starts. Those days you were in a rush. What was the one thing you could have done to set yourself up for success or energy? If nothing comes to mind, try thinking of your best days. How did they start? What made you feel the most energetic. The activity that comes to mind is our Daily Linchpin: the one practice that counts for a hundred others and gives us the motivation that carries us all day. This is what we need to prioritize. Some days we won’t be able to everything, but prioritizing our linchpin practice, even a shortened or sloppy version, can make all the difference.
My daily linchpin is exercise. Days, where I can’t go for a run or go to the gym, used to be the worst. I got cranky and depressed. My insecurities ran wild, and I would spend the whole day dragging my feet. Now, however, when I’m in a rush, I prioritize this activity no matter what. Maybe I only have 30 minutes. I’ll go for a quick run. 5 minutes? Stretching and pushups. No matter what, I make sure I start my day off with some exercise. Even though it’s not perfect, prioritizing that single activity can make all the difference in my day.
Find your daily linchpin and stick to it. No matter what. Even if it has to push some less important activities out of the way. And don’t worry if you can’t do it to the best of your ability, or you don’t have as much time as you would like. A little bit goes a long way. Maybe your linchpin is meditation, do a few minutes of deep breathing before you leave. No time to do your three morning pages? Try for one. Whatever your linchpin is, stick to it relentlessly. It can be the difference between our best days and our worst.
by Owen | Feb 14, 2020 | Articles, Practices
When we are just starting down the path of self-improvement, it can be hard to find the things worth focusing on. We all have grand visions of the future, but we often have no idea how to get there. While it’s great to have those kinds of goals, the only way to get there is one day at a time. The road to fulfillment starts with a fulfilling day.
So what makes for a fulfilling day? I believe there are seven areas we can all improve and reflect on every day: intention, creativity, health, productivity, communication, presence, and courage. Each of these qualities creates the framework we need to achieve each of our individual goals and, when practiced every day, lead to a better life. Every day, we can reflect on how to improve ourselves in each of these small ways.
Every night, I write down each point and reflect on how they played a role in my day. Did I work to improve on them? How can I do better tomorrow? This simple practice of clarity and reflection is the foundation of a positive day. I hope a quick breakdown of these qualities can help you as well.
Intention
Our intention is the fuse that starts the chain reaction of a good day. When we practice intention, we develop a deep understanding of how and why we make the decisions we do or devote ourselves to specific activities or practices. It helps us to refine what it is we truly want and, more importantly, what things we are willing to let go of. It comes from a deep sense of personal clarity and purpose.
The important thing to keep in mind when setting an intention for your day is what you deem to be your inner drive. Take time to reflect on what you are devoting yourself to, either that day or in life. Whenever you are faced with a decision, refer back to that purpose. How does what you are doing right now apply? If not, why are you doing it? What is the personal reason for making this decision? Simply taking the time to pause and consider the paths in front of you can make all the difference.
Developing an inner sense of purpose may sound daunting to some. One of the best ways to develop this is by working backward from your intention. At the end of every day, look back at the activities and big decisions you focused on. Which ones did you feel good about? Which ones did you not enjoy? What was it about the positives that made them exciting? What might they all have in common? The more you deconstruct your daily interests, the more you can define what it is you truly want. As this intention becomes clearer, you can more actively apply it and keep yourself accountable.
Health
Did you eat well today? Excersize? How did you sleep? Making sure we are healthy is the foundation of a good day. When we take the time to treat ourselves right, we set ourselves up to focus and cultivate good experiences. I’m sure we can all think of a time where lack of sleep has made us lash out at a co-worker or make a wrong decision. If we don’t take the time to treat our minds and bodies well, how can we expect to use them well?
We don’t need to go on a crash diet, eat pounds of carrots, or hit the gym for 3 hours every morning to work towards being healthy. Start the morning with some stretching or a short jog, add a piece of fruit to your lunch or go to bed an hour early. Small steps make a huge difference when it comes to our health and can make all the difference in determining a good or bad day.
Creativity
Regardless of who you are, or how creative you think you may be, we must take some time to be creative every day. It could be something as simple as sketching for 30 minutes during your lunch break, or a few minutes of free writing. Don’t focus on whether its good or bad. Your creativity is just for you. Try, if you can, to make this time separate form any work you have to do. Even if you are an artist or creative already, it’s just as important to try out a new medium or make something just for fun. The goal here is to channel your artistic sense in new ways and take time away from work or stress.
Taking just a few minutes to be creative each day can be one of the essential practices of our day. Its often in these times of creativity we find the answers to problems we were blind to before. It also opens us up to new ways of thinking. Giving our minds free creative time reminds us that we are not locked into patterns or rules.
Productivity
Productivity is often considered the most measurable quality in judging a good day. Did we get all of our work done? Did we use our time effectively? But, we need to be careful. Often productivity becomes workaholism with a dangerous focus on efficiency. But, productivity is often more concerned with limitations and good choices. The key is choosing to focus on what matters when it matters. It’s not about working hard on everything, but working deliberately on what matters now — not tomorrow, not next week, not next year.
One way to keep your productivity on track is to write down three things you want to focus on completing today, no more and no less. This process forces you to limit yourself to what is important. It also creates a sense of balance. Perhaps once those three tasks are completed, you allow yourself to move onto something else, or, use the rest of your day to take a break. As you implement this practice, you will get a better idea of what kind of tasks you can handle in a day. Sometimes those three tasks might be biting off more than you can chew and force you to take a step back tomorrow. Over time you will find the productive sweet spot of a good day.
Connection
We can fight against it all we want, but its important to connect with others, yes, even for us introverts. I don’t expect us to engage with every uber driver or waiter we encounter, but finding one or two people to connect with personally makes all the difference.
Connecting with others helps to keep us out of our heads and consider everyone else. It reminds us that we have a responsibility not just to ourselves but to others. I think it’s very easy to forget that the work we devote ourselves to is seldom for ourselves, and that requires vulnerability. We are all here to serve others through our work, so take the time to connect with those people. Try to make their day just a little bit better. Listen and give meaningful responses. Give and take. Even a small favor or a few words of support go a long way.
Start by introducing yourself to a new person at work. Share an article or funny post with an old friend. We don’t need to become extroverts. All we need is a little consideration and a willingness to be vulnerable.
Presence
Presence is perhaps the most challenging thing to cultivate. Amongst smartphones and social media, we rarely have any space in our day. Our minds jump from one hit to the next with never a moment in between. I’m not going to beat around the bush, its an addiction, one we all suffer from, and one we need to step back from. The problem is that we have lost the space to think and be present in the moment. These moments of space are vital to self-improvement and a positive day. It is in the moments of presence we consider the world around us and the real consequences of our actions. No space means no reflection. No reflection means no growth.
We don’t need to be hermits to cultivate presence in our lives. Taking a few opportunities a day to step away from it all is a great first step. Try going for a walk around the neighborhood and leave the phone behind. Or, try a short meditation practice each morning. I like to go out into nature to sit, think, and observe. Find what works for you and stick to it. You’ll quickly see how a few minutes of space can clear up any anxieties or problems you cant find your way through.
Courage
The only way to improve is to try something new, experiment. It often involves doing something we would never have considered before — and that takes courage. Courage is the linchpin of the fulfilled day. Acting courageous means putting aside regrets or wants and taking a leap. Maybe it’s bringing a new idea to your boss or sharing your first blog post online. At some point, if we want to improve, the only thing left to do is jump.
At the beginning of every day, write down one scary or vulnerable act you can complete. Start simple. Maybe it’s trying to small talk with a new person, or sending that resume out. Whatever it is, make sure it’s actionable. There needs to be some sense that you are overcoming fear and putting yourself out there. Over time these small steps will help to build your confidence, and you can take on bigger and bigger challenges. Think of it as a game. The more you play, the better you get, and the more fulfilled you get to feel when you’ve done it.
Spend some time considering how you can apply these practices to your everyday life. Even a small step in a few places will show heaps of improvement.
What will you try to work on? Are there other qualities you think are important?
by Owen | Feb 5, 2020 | Impromptu, Practices
Don’t be satisfied with study. In today’s world of home business, divisive politics, and intellectualism, we all want to show off our knowledge or be the smartest in the room. We need to be able to quote the best articles or newest studies, spout trade news or educate the office on the book we are reading. So we spend all our time studying, researching, learning. We are so well-versed that we can drop a meaningful quote with the drop of a hat or go toe to toe with the first left or right-leaning amateur politician on our feeds.
But how often does this study change our lives? How often does that quote we retweeted affect our actions? The turnover is pretty small.
It takes more than memorizing facts or reading studies to create change. We must internalize what we read. Comprehend it as it relates to our lives. And once we’ve truly understood what we’ve learned. We must put it to use.
Why spend the time to learn or read if it isn’t going to benefit you or those you hope to serve? All of the knowledge in the world is useless if we can’t use it to help others and help ourselves.
The smartest person in the room is the one putting those smarts to use, learning, and changing — maybe without a word. The study is only part one. Practice and progress come after.
by Owen | Jan 31, 2020 | Articles, Philosophy, Practices
The first time I remember finding it was New Year’s Eve 2013, at a place my friends called “The Jacks.” The Jacks, as I would come to learn (and love), was a sort of concrete pier down at the harbor. Over twenty feet wide, It jutted out into the water, extending from the nearby shore. Together with its twin, another blockade opposite, they enclosed a portion beach next to the main docks. A small inlet separated the two piers, just wide enough for a boat to pass through. The Jacks, the pier’s namesake, were 12-foot wide molds of the children’s toy, blown up to a giant’s scale and coated in thick concrete. Two people might just barely get their arms around the thick spikes. Held together only by friction, the concrete stars piled on each other from the floor of the ocean to well above my head, surrounding an inner walkway. The hoard of jacks, placed almost haphazardly, created caverns and archways between their thick arms. The adventuring teenager could spend hours climbing and exploring the entanglement. Which, of course, was why we had come.
Clambering up to the walkway, it was a straight walk out into the water. Crisscrossing paths running up and down the pier created a grid of deep pockets dotting the walkway. I had to be careful in the dark not to fall in and twist an ankle — a mistake made on a future trip. As we made out way towards the end of the pier, the walkway suddenly dropped off. A flat wall fell down onto a path circling a hole down into concrete caverns and the ocean below. Just on the other side of the opening stood a small structure, about the size of an outhouse. Above it, a little red light guided the amateur sailor or paddler through the mouth, and out into open water.
After exploring for a bit with my friends, I went off on my own. Waiting for the fireworks to start. Climbing out onto the last of the jacks, beyond the end of the walkway, I sat alone and took in the view. To my right was the harbor, the beach, and the neighborhoods extending up the hill and into a valley. On the left was the open ocean, reaching far out into the horizon, black and calm. Up from the expanse came the stars, scoffing at the dim lights of the town below, no light pollution to blot them out here. Gazing out onto this sight, listening to the water lapping at the concrete below, I felt an utter calm. Clarity of mind and a feeling of connectedness rushed over me. Everything else was falling away. What became prominent at that moment was my relationship to the world around me. For the first time, I was experiencing the necessity and power of being still.
The ancient Stoics called this feeling Sympatheia. A deep and unwavering connection between nature and ourselves. It rests on the idea that we are a part of nature, that everyone and everything together moves as a single organism. It sounds a little melodramatic, but it was in these moments of connection that the philosophers centered themselves and found fulfillment in their place and life.
Stillness and the concept of Sympathiea go hand in hand. The connectedness and the clarity we seek, often unconsciously, can only be found when we have a clear mind. Put another way, our identity is hinged on how we relate to the world. What, after all, are we putting ourselves to work for? In those moments of stillness, we discover the more profound, intrinsic reasons for our work and our passion. But often, especially in the high energy, breakneck pace of today, this stillness and the clarity behind it, become lost in the superficial rush.
To regain that fulfillment, we need to step away from the distractions: the phone, social media, even our own ego. All of these things that take up our time and mental energy only hold us back. We have tricked ourselves into believing that the superficial connections of today will give rise to the fulfillment we are after. Or, even worse, we have forgotten or forsaken our clarity of purpose to serve our ego, our bank account, or whatever other vain measurements we hide behind. The only way to seek meaning and clarity is to dig deeper into ourselves. We won’t find it in our phones or superficial pursuits. To search ourselves, we must create space for stillness. When we clean the house and clear away the mess of thoughts, we have a chance to find the clarity of purpose and true connectedness we actually want deep down.
Stillness, then, is something that must be cultivated. We must find the moments when we can step back from the distractions, or, step out into nature. As Marcus Aurelius wrote in his Meditations, “Meditate often on the interconnectedness and mutual interdependence of all things in the universe. For in a sense, all things are mutually woven together and therefore have an affinity for each other.” As with all things in life, the art of stillness is not one of concept but of choice and action. Go for a walk. Take out the headphones. Put the phone away. Meditate. Practice being here. Practice non-action and presence. It might not be easy at first. Stillness is the most difficult thing for me to face and I struggle with it every day. But as Ryan Holiday, author of stillness is the Key, reminds us, “Be here. Be all of you. Be present. And if you’ve had trouble with this in the past? That’s okay. That’s the nice thing about the present. It keeps showing up to give you a second chance.”
Clear ideas, clear thoughts, clear actions can only be found by a clear mind. By the connected mind. To forgo the chance at stillness, to give in to distraction is to forget ourselves, and worse, ignore the impact we can have on others.
By the morning of New Years Day 2014, I had almost completely forgotten about the feeling I had stumbled on the night before. I hadn’t grasped what was behind that feeling of stillness. So it slipped way. Swallowed up by a career path, I desperately chased after, not fully understanding why. I couldn’t see then, how important it was to take time to be still. I didn’t know that the clarity I was after was behind it all.
This past October, with some spare time before work, I went for a walk. Aimlessly wandering, lost in the cacophony of my head, I found myself sitting under a tree in Boston’s Public Gardens, looking out over the pond. To my left, under the next tree over, a musician played the trombone, improvising over a jazz tune playing softly from his phone. To my right, a family sat at the edge of the pond. The father was taking a picture of mother and son. In a rush, I felt it. The stillness I had left behind. Forgotten, or traded for distraction and purposeless ambition.
After a few moments, I took out my journal and wrote.
‘I’m sitting in the gardens under a tree. There are people everywhere, enjoying the fall. Families taking pictures. There’s a boy softly playing the trombone under the tree next to me.
I didn’t know I needed this. How long has it been since I’ve just been here? I didn’t know I had been starved of stillness.’
Seek stillness, crave it, and practice it. The cost of losing ourselves is too high to let it go.
by Owen | Jan 27, 2020 | Creativity, Impromptu, Practices
“If only I had gone to the gym as a kid, I’d be much WAY healthier now.”
“I would be that rich if I started my company when I was her age.”
“He’s been doing yoga for so long. I wish I did that.”
We spend a lot of time cursing ourselves for not doing something as a child. We regret not starting our grand scheme at age 20, like Zuckerberg or Gates.
What do we do after? Probably not much. Back to the routine and wishful thinking. “It isn’t worth starting now,” we think. “I’m waiting for the big idea to come,” Or worse, “I still have plenty of time.”
Sure it would have been nice to start years ago — the first best time. And yes, maybe we are behind the clock we set for ourselves. But the more we wait, the bigger that gap grows. And the regret with it.
And why wait? Lighting may strike if we wait long enough. Maybe one day we will wake up and feel like going for a run. Or the golden ticket idea will come to us in the shower. But is it worth putting your fulfillment and happiness in the hands of nature? Developing a half-finished idea will get you farther than waiting around for the “perfect” one. The second best time to start is right now.
As the practice piles up, and as the ideas grow, you’ll be glad you took that first step. Put the regret away; stop beating yourself up; stop waiting around, and take action.
Start today. Start now.
by Owen | Dec 31, 2019 | Articles, Habits, Practices
Everything we’ve talked about so far: Identity, Environment, Accountability, and Measurement. It all means nothing if we don’t show up — one way or another, we have to take action.
It doesn’t need to be perfect, or well-planned, and it doesn’t need to be a feat of strength either. That comes along the way. Whatever you want to achieve, getting healthier, reading more, writing more, chasing your creative vision, at some point, the only thing left to do is start. It’s the most straightforward part, but also the most difficult to overcome.
You may not feel like doing it some times. “The exercise is too hard,” or “the book too difficult.” “I don’t have any ideas for my next piece,” you say. But it’s worth it to prove yourself wrong. Every time you conquer that fear and take a step, it becomes easier. You are better than you know, and the only way to see that is to show up and try. Every attempt, no matter how small, pushes us closer to our goals. And that change you seek? It will come. Not all at once, or right away, but eventually, you will see it. I can promise you that.
So, tomorrow we begin our journey. Are you willing to show up and make the change you want to see in yourself? We have prepared. We are ready. The only thing left to do is leap.
Whatever your resolutions this year, let’s hit the ground running. Tomorrow, its time to show up.
