The Daily Linchpin
You wake up with a start. Look at the clock. Shit. You accidentally slept in — and you had the best morning planned too. You were going to go to the gym, spend a few minutes journaling, and eat a healthy breakfast. And now what? You are rushing to the shower, throwing clothes on (whatever is on top of the hamper), and running out the door — probably to Starbucks for a last-ditch hit of caffeine and a breakfast sandwich. The rest of the day, you can’t focus, you’re bleary-eyed and lashing out at co-workers. By the time you get home, you can’t be bothered to do anything but slump on the couch and watch TV before bed. A whole day wasted.
We’ve all had days like this. An extra hour of unintended sleep somehow puts our whole day to hell. But how do we keep something so small from affecting our entire day?
Think back to your bad mornings and rough starts. Those days you were in a rush. What was the one thing you could have done to set yourself up for success or energy? If nothing comes to mind, try thinking of your best days. How did they start? What made you feel the most energetic. The activity that comes to mind is our Daily Linchpin: the one practice that counts for a hundred others and gives us the motivation that carries us all day. This is what we need to prioritize. Some days we won’t be able to everything, but prioritizing our linchpin practice, even a shortened or sloppy version, can make all the difference.
My daily linchpin is exercise. Days, where I can’t go for a run or go to the gym, used to be the worst. I got cranky and depressed. My insecurities ran wild, and I would spend the whole day dragging my feet. Now, however, when I’m in a rush, I prioritize this activity no matter what. Maybe I only have 30 minutes. I’ll go for a quick run. 5 minutes? Stretching and pushups. No matter what, I make sure I start my day off with some exercise. Even though it’s not perfect, prioritizing that single activity can make all the difference in my day.
Find your daily linchpin and stick to it. No matter what. Even if it has to push some less important activities out of the way. And don’t worry if you can’t do it to the best of your ability, or you don’t have as much time as you would like. A little bit goes a long way. Maybe your linchpin is meditation, do a few minutes of deep breathing before you leave. No time to do your three morning pages? Try for one. Whatever your linchpin is, stick to it relentlessly. It can be the difference between our best days and our worst.
Weekend Reflection #27
What I’m Reading: Everything is Figureoutable by Marie Forleo
One of the best self-help books I’ve read thus far. Forleo has managed to add some new perspective to a very crowded genre. The book manages to balance personal testimony (author and reader), style, and actionable practice, and mantra, all without overwhelming the reader. Its the self-help book I wish I had from the beginning, and I will definitely be recommending this to others looking for a place to start or refresh their practice.
What I Missed: Publishing an Article
After all that talk of my writing routine last week, I totally missed publishing an article this week! I beat myself up about it a little, but getting the routine down is going to take time — like anything else. I’m determined to get it out this Friday and get the routine down.
What I’m Getting Back to: Photography
As I get this whole writing thing down, I’m finding I need to round my hobbies out with something visual. Unfortunately, my photography hobby went away as I devoted more and more time to the blog. As with everything, I can waste time thinking about it, or I can do it. So this week I’m hoping to pick up the camera again and get back to the streets.
This Weeks Posts:
To Be “Authentic,” We Must Be Consistent
It’s Just Not For You
To Be “Authentic,” We Must Be Consistent
The word authenticity gets thrown around a lot today. Its become the go-to catchword for every artist and entrepreneur. Everyone wants to be authentic, true to one’s self, genuine, transparent. These are all fantastic goals in the face of personal growth and reflection. But is that something we can really work on? More importantly, how do we actually prove we are authentic? Saying you are authentic means nothing if you can’t back it up.
When we think of someone who is authentic. We think of someone who follows through. The person who you can always count on to be themselves and act as themselves in every situation. They live up to promises and show up every day to work hard towards the goals they set for themselves.
What drives change is not authenticity then, but consistency — of person and of action. We know that someone is authentic because they are consistent in who they prove themselves to be. As the marketing guru, Seth Godin says: “We call a brand or a person authentic when they’re consistent, when they act the same way whether or not someone is looking. Someone is authentic when their actions are in alignment with what they promise.”
Authenticity, while a great catchword, is not an actionable goal. Its a definition of something more –a state of character over time. Instead of trying to be authentic, let’s try to be a little more consistent. Be the person you want to be every day, that’s authenticity.
It’s Just Not For You
We can spend a lot of our creative lives criticizing the work of others. We all want to believe we could have done a better job or had a better idea. “I would have done it this way instead” or “That color? Really?” Hell, a lot of people are all criticism and very little creativity. But let’s be honest, we don’t know any better. Not really. We are all lost on the creative path, trying to stumble on something worth sharing. Some of us maybe a little farther down, but we are all just trying to figure it out.
So why waste your time criticizing? Because the truth is that criticizing comes easier than creating. And that soothes us. Creativity and ego are a matched pair. As we start to build creative confidence, we inevitably want to show it off. As we develop a style, we are suddenly at odds with everyone else’s. So we point, and we criticize, and we nitpick and try to show how much more creative we are than everyone else. Creativity without creating.
The worst crime of all, however, is believing we have any say in what someone else created. The truth is it’s probably just not for us. We can dislike something, but if we do, well then, it wasn’t made for us, and that’s okay. Everyone is trying to connect with someone. That someone isn’t always you. So leave it alone. Maybe someone will come along and see beauty where you never could.
Don’t bother fretting about how it’s not what you would’ve done — go and do it.
Weekend Reflection #26
What I Accomplished: 6 Months of Weekend Reflection
In honor of 6 months of these posts, I’ve decided to change the name to the Weekend Reflection. It feels more fitting for what these posts, and this blog, has become.
What started as a way to reflect and vent has now become a regular practice and routine. More than that it lead me to the creation of this blog and a whole new creative outlet I never knew I had. I wouldn’t have imagined 6 months later it would become such a vital part of my life. Here’s to sixth more months of reflections ahead.
What I’m Listening to: Break Shot by James Taylor
The sound designer in me absolutely loves this audiobook, although it’s more like a performance. Break Shot, from the mouth of Taylor himself, takes you through his childhood and artistic beginnings through to his initial success. Early recordings, demo’s and performances are scattered throughout, tying the narrative together beautifully. I’m relatively new to the world of memoir and biography, but even this short 90-minute piece has given me more than I could have asked for. I will absolutely be digging more into the genre. The audiobook is free for audible members until April, and I highly recommend you take the time. Fan or not, it’s a brilliant look into one of the most prolific songwriters of our time.
What I’m Reading: Show Your Work by Austin Kleon
This book couldn’t have come along at a better time for me. Kleon, following up on his first book Steal Like an Artist (another recommendation), reveals the necessity and tools of sharing your work. This for me has been one of the most difficult things to do. I’ve always felt a bit strange sharing this blog. This book has given me a lot to think about, and more importantly a lot to work on and experiment with. One of the great things about Kleon is his practical advice (like reading obituaries!). His books give you a palette of things to try. I will absolutely be referring back to this book and his others for advice as I continue to create.
What I’m Working On: Writing Routine
Working more regularly on the blog I’ve settled into a kind of routine. In order to keep myself accountable, I’ve decided that I’m going to do my best to stick to a publishing schedule. Mondays and Wednesdays are Impromptu post days. These posts, as the name implies, are written the day off with minimal editing. They serve mostly as reflections of what I’ve been pondering and/or drafts of what may become larger pieces. These impromptu pieces help to keep me on my toes and force me to get something out, even if it’s not perfect. In order to balance this, I will be publishing longer Articles on Fridays. These will feature more in-depth topics or reflections and will be written ahead of time with more editing. Hopefully, the balance of these two styles will keep things interesting and lead to even more development.
The 7 Keys to a Good Day
When we are just starting down the path of self-improvement, it can be hard to find the things worth focusing on. We all have grand visions of the future, but we often have no idea how to get there. While it’s great to have those kinds of goals, the only way to get there is one day at a time. The road to fulfillment starts with a fulfilling day.
So what makes for a fulfilling day? I believe there are seven areas we can all improve and reflect on every day: intention, creativity, health, productivity, communication, presence, and courage. Each of these qualities creates the framework we need to achieve each of our individual goals and, when practiced every day, lead to a better life. Every day, we can reflect on how to improve ourselves in each of these small ways.
Every night, I write down each point and reflect on how they played a role in my day. Did I work to improve on them? How can I do better tomorrow? This simple practice of clarity and reflection is the foundation of a positive day. I hope a quick breakdown of these qualities can help you as well.
Intention
Our intention is the fuse that starts the chain reaction of a good day. When we practice intention, we develop a deep understanding of how and why we make the decisions we do or devote ourselves to specific activities or practices. It helps us to refine what it is we truly want and, more importantly, what things we are willing to let go of. It comes from a deep sense of personal clarity and purpose.
The important thing to keep in mind when setting an intention for your day is what you deem to be your inner drive. Take time to reflect on what you are devoting yourself to, either that day or in life. Whenever you are faced with a decision, refer back to that purpose. How does what you are doing right now apply? If not, why are you doing it? What is the personal reason for making this decision? Simply taking the time to pause and consider the paths in front of you can make all the difference.
Developing an inner sense of purpose may sound daunting to some. One of the best ways to develop this is by working backward from your intention. At the end of every day, look back at the activities and big decisions you focused on. Which ones did you feel good about? Which ones did you not enjoy? What was it about the positives that made them exciting? What might they all have in common? The more you deconstruct your daily interests, the more you can define what it is you truly want. As this intention becomes clearer, you can more actively apply it and keep yourself accountable.
Health
Did you eat well today? Excersize? How did you sleep? Making sure we are healthy is the foundation of a good day. When we take the time to treat ourselves right, we set ourselves up to focus and cultivate good experiences. I’m sure we can all think of a time where lack of sleep has made us lash out at a co-worker or make a wrong decision. If we don’t take the time to treat our minds and bodies well, how can we expect to use them well?
We don’t need to go on a crash diet, eat pounds of carrots, or hit the gym for 3 hours every morning to work towards being healthy. Start the morning with some stretching or a short jog, add a piece of fruit to your lunch or go to bed an hour early. Small steps make a huge difference when it comes to our health and can make all the difference in determining a good or bad day.
Creativity
Regardless of who you are, or how creative you think you may be, we must take some time to be creative every day. It could be something as simple as sketching for 30 minutes during your lunch break, or a few minutes of free writing. Don’t focus on whether its good or bad. Your creativity is just for you. Try, if you can, to make this time separate form any work you have to do. Even if you are an artist or creative already, it’s just as important to try out a new medium or make something just for fun. The goal here is to channel your artistic sense in new ways and take time away from work or stress.
Taking just a few minutes to be creative each day can be one of the essential practices of our day. Its often in these times of creativity we find the answers to problems we were blind to before. It also opens us up to new ways of thinking. Giving our minds free creative time reminds us that we are not locked into patterns or rules.
Productivity
Productivity is often considered the most measurable quality in judging a good day. Did we get all of our work done? Did we use our time effectively? But, we need to be careful. Often productivity becomes workaholism with a dangerous focus on efficiency. But, productivity is often more concerned with limitations and good choices. The key is choosing to focus on what matters when it matters. It’s not about working hard on everything, but working deliberately on what matters now — not tomorrow, not next week, not next year.
One way to keep your productivity on track is to write down three things you want to focus on completing today, no more and no less. This process forces you to limit yourself to what is important. It also creates a sense of balance. Perhaps once those three tasks are completed, you allow yourself to move onto something else, or, use the rest of your day to take a break. As you implement this practice, you will get a better idea of what kind of tasks you can handle in a day. Sometimes those three tasks might be biting off more than you can chew and force you to take a step back tomorrow. Over time you will find the productive sweet spot of a good day.
Connection
We can fight against it all we want, but its important to connect with others, yes, even for us introverts. I don’t expect us to engage with every uber driver or waiter we encounter, but finding one or two people to connect with personally makes all the difference.
Connecting with others helps to keep us out of our heads and consider everyone else. It reminds us that we have a responsibility not just to ourselves but to others. I think it’s very easy to forget that the work we devote ourselves to is seldom for ourselves, and that requires vulnerability. We are all here to serve others through our work, so take the time to connect with those people. Try to make their day just a little bit better. Listen and give meaningful responses. Give and take. Even a small favor or a few words of support go a long way.
Start by introducing yourself to a new person at work. Share an article or funny post with an old friend. We don’t need to become extroverts. All we need is a little consideration and a willingness to be vulnerable.
Presence
Presence is perhaps the most challenging thing to cultivate. Amongst smartphones and social media, we rarely have any space in our day. Our minds jump from one hit to the next with never a moment in between. I’m not going to beat around the bush, its an addiction, one we all suffer from, and one we need to step back from. The problem is that we have lost the space to think and be present in the moment. These moments of space are vital to self-improvement and a positive day. It is in the moments of presence we consider the world around us and the real consequences of our actions. No space means no reflection. No reflection means no growth.
We don’t need to be hermits to cultivate presence in our lives. Taking a few opportunities a day to step away from it all is a great first step. Try going for a walk around the neighborhood and leave the phone behind. Or, try a short meditation practice each morning. I like to go out into nature to sit, think, and observe. Find what works for you and stick to it. You’ll quickly see how a few minutes of space can clear up any anxieties or problems you cant find your way through.
Courage
The only way to improve is to try something new, experiment. It often involves doing something we would never have considered before — and that takes courage. Courage is the linchpin of the fulfilled day. Acting courageous means putting aside regrets or wants and taking a leap. Maybe it’s bringing a new idea to your boss or sharing your first blog post online. At some point, if we want to improve, the only thing left to do is jump.
At the beginning of every day, write down one scary or vulnerable act you can complete. Start simple. Maybe it’s trying to small talk with a new person, or sending that resume out. Whatever it is, make sure it’s actionable. There needs to be some sense that you are overcoming fear and putting yourself out there. Over time these small steps will help to build your confidence, and you can take on bigger and bigger challenges. Think of it as a game. The more you play, the better you get, and the more fulfilled you get to feel when you’ve done it.
Spend some time considering how you can apply these practices to your everyday life. Even a small step in a few places will show heaps of improvement.
What will you try to work on? Are there other qualities you think are important?
A Vocabulary of Experience
One of the best things we can gain from our reading practice is a vocabulary of experiences. These are the nifty and perfect little phrases that somehow seem to sum up or represent a fundamental concept in our life or work. We plaster them on our walls, news feeds, and even on our bodies with ink. They become guiding principles and reminders of our development. These epithets reveal some core of our being, clarifying something we’ve always known but never been able to put into words.
They might show up as personifications of a struggle such as Steven Pressfield’s concept of Resistance in The War of Art. Sometimes they represent states of character, like Elizabeth Gilbert’s Trickster in Big Magic. Or a word may perfectly and poetically describe a personal experience, such as the Stoic concept of Sympatheia. Maybe one piece of vocabulary isn’t for you. But chances are someone somewhere has founds the words you are looking for, and they are worth seeking out.
Whatever you come across, hold onto that vocabulary. Write it down and reflect on it. Consider how it might apply to your own life. Try coming up with your own. Perhaps meditating on an experience, you can find some small piece of meaning worth holding onto or sharing with others. These words and phrases may seem insignificant, but in times of stress or uncertainty, they can act as small guideposts, bringing us back onto or revealing the path ahead.
You Already Know
One of the things I think a lot of people struggle with (especially as students or young professionals) is an anxiety that we have so much more to learn before we are ready to do something. It’s hard not to think that way when the professionals around us seem miles ahead. Publishing, winning awards, or working with world-class performers — and only a few years older than you. So we assume we must be missing something. That there is some knowledge or skill that you have yet to learn. We think if only we can find it, we can be like them.
I felt like this for a long time about my sound design work. I would read dense textbooks cover to cover and ask probing questions at conferences. But every attempt failed. I dug a thousand holes; I didn’t know what I was looking for, but I knew it was something that was going to change everything — if only someone could give me the answer.
I see this today in my peers too. Whenever an industry professional visits or hosts a Q&A, the same questions pop up. “If you could give us one piece of advice…” or “What’s one thing you wish you had known…” they ask, digging another trench. Nevertheless, when their cliche questions are met with cliche answers (“be kinder” or “try more things” or “start early”), the eager students frown, nothing here, they think.
But the truth is the search isn’t one of ambition or drive. It’s one of fear. Because we already know the answer. There is no book or quote or mentor that’s going to change everything and make us “like them.” The truth is that it’s going to take hard work, and experimentation and kindness, and all of those other cliche’s we disregard at every turn. Deep down, we know this, but we are afraid to believe it. Because, if we do have the answers, if we do know what we need to know, then the only thing holding us back (and the only thing we can count on) is ourselves. And that’s a terrifying realization.
There is no magic weight loss plan. It’s just good nutrition and exercise. There is no “perfect” marketing plan for your social media, just experimentation, and development. There is nothing that is going to keep us from failure or take us beyond the “rest.” It’s a matter of work, dedication, and improvement.
So its time to stop searching, stop digging. You know what you have to do. And you’ve known for a long time. What’s important now is taking what you’ve learned and practicing it. Move beyond the mentors and the safety and just try. It’s going to be hard, and scary but its also going to be exciting. There is nothing more exciting than making progress on yourself and your work.
You know the answer. It’s not hidden if we stop avoiding it.
Weekend Reflection #25
What I’m Reading: The Apprenticeship of Duddy Kravitz by Mordecai Richler
Similar to my favorite What Makes Sammy Run, (I seem oddly drawn to novels form the 40s and 50s), or Netflix’s The Politician, this book follows the life of Duddy Kravitz, who, in his misguided ambition, will do anything he can to “be somebody.” Inspired by his grandfather’s warning: “A man without land is a nobody,” Kravitz swindles, lies and cheats his way through his family and friends on his quest to buy up lakefront property to develop into a resort. I’m sure you can guess as to how it goes, but the beauty of this book is its personability. Unlike a lot of stories of this nature, Richler lets you see the journey as a whole, taking you into Kravitz’s mind with every rash decision. In the end, it becomes incredibly clear how someone (and many do) could come to believe in this kind of life. If other books from this era have seemed un-approachable, I would recommend you to take a look here, the story and its message punch through no matter the context.
What I’m Struggling With: Work/Play Balance
I’m terrible at balancing work and play. While in practice, I can jump back and forth; rarely, my mind is ever able to switch so quickly. Chances are if I’m in work mode, it’s all I can think about when I’m at play and vice versa. The result is that I’m rarely ever able to focus on what’s at hand. While some schedule changes have helped (such as the “chunking” I discussed last week), it really does come down to a sense of presence and ease, something I am working towards every day.
What I’m Cultivating: An Annual Reading List
One of the things I’ve come to love about my reading practice is stumbling on the one book that somehow wraps up and captures the ideals or lessons of a hundred. As my library grows (faster than I can read it), I want to be able to hold onto those books as they come along. So with this in mind, I’m going to start drafting an annual reading list, ten or so books for me to read every year that encapsulate the most important lessons I’ve learned along the way. I’m sure this list will change as time goes on, but at the very least, its an interesting exercise in keeping lessons at the forefront of your practice. When I finally get the bookshelf up on the running, I’ll be sure to include these top-reads on the list as well.
Learning is only Part One
Don’t be satisfied with study. In today’s world of home business, divisive politics, and intellectualism, we all want to show off our knowledge or be the smartest in the room. We need to be able to quote the best articles or newest studies, spout trade news or educate the office on the book we are reading. So we spend all our time studying, researching, learning. We are so well-versed that we can drop a meaningful quote with the drop of a hat or go toe to toe with the first left or right-leaning amateur politician on our feeds.
But how often does this study change our lives? How often does that quote we retweeted affect our actions? The turnover is pretty small.
It takes more than memorizing facts or reading studies to create change. We must internalize what we read. Comprehend it as it relates to our lives. And once we’ve truly understood what we’ve learned. We must put it to use.
Why spend the time to learn or read if it isn’t going to benefit you or those you hope to serve? All of the knowledge in the world is useless if we can’t use it to help others and help ourselves.
The smartest person in the room is the one putting those smarts to use, learning, and changing — maybe without a word. The study is only part one. Practice and progress come after.
Riding the Pendulum
Self-improvement is less setting off down a path than swinging on a pendulum.
We start at the extreme. We spend too much time on Netflix, or our anger is out of control. A lot, or none at all. We don’t know what the best version of ourselves looks like, but we know it’s not here.
So we head in the opposite direction. Our pendulum swings across, and in the momentum and excitement of improvement, we go too far. Now we work all day or don’t stand up for ourselves.
The other extreme we learn is no better. So then, it must be somewhere in between — a balance.
Seeing the spectrum in full, we swing our pendulum back where we came — aiming somewhere in between. Nevertheless, we overshoot the mark, but this time feels a little closer.
Back and forth like this, we go. Learning and triangulating as we go. With each swing, the extremes soften — some work, some play. We learn what it means to be in balance, and the goal becomes more distinct and closer with each pass.
Our pendulum may swing back and forth like this for months, years, or even our whole lives. It may never stop turning.
Some days we will feel closer than ever, and the next we may be up at the edges once again. But, as long as we believe we can swing back down, as long as we keep riding and keep searching, we will keep improving. Closer and closer to balance.
Weekend Reflection #24
What I’m Reading: The Moviegoer by Walker Percy
It took multiple approaches for me to finally get through this one. The novel focuses on the life of Binx Bolling, a near 30-year-old stockbroker living in New Orleans. As with most classic novels of the time, our character is confronting his drab world and conducting a “search,” presumably we think for deep philosophical answers. Unlike most books of this genre, however, there are no quests, dramatic episodes. Just the chronicles of Binx’s normal life, meaningless days at the office, and almost too-normal relationships with family and flings. At first, it was this extreme normality that pushed me away from the book. But, it turned out to be its charm. Of all of the novels I have read, it is perhaps the most reasonable in its philosophy, and therefore, the one we might be able to learn from most.
What I‘m Experimenting With: Chunking
As opposed to “sprinkling,” “chunking” is a method of dividing up your time into large chunks typically multiple hours or a whole day, wholly focused on one activity or project. Between, classes, career, creative projects and personal time, I was struggling to focus on anything at one and jumped from thing to thing throughout the day. The consequence was that I really wasn’t making a lot of headway and I always had too much going on at once. Given, that I am only now in classes two days a week. I decided to double down on those days, doing any and all work related to college in my free time. It was an amazing change. By finishing any and all mandatory class work on those days, I have given myself the freedom to focus on my creative projects or personal time on the other five. The risk, of course, is that two days is not enough. But, even giving myself that edge and freedom of mind have been extremely useful.
A Quote I’m Thinking About:
“The search is what anyone would undertake if he were not sunk in the everydayness of his own life. To become aware of the search is to be onto something. Not to be onto something is to be in despair.”
– Walker Percy, The Moviegoer
Starved of Stillness
The first time I remember finding it was New Year’s Eve 2013, at a place my friends called “The Jacks.” The Jacks, as I would come to learn (and love), was a sort of concrete pier down at the harbor. Over twenty feet wide, It jutted out into the water, extending from the nearby shore. Together with its twin, another blockade opposite, they enclosed a portion beach next to the main docks. A small inlet separated the two piers, just wide enough for a boat to pass through. The Jacks, the pier’s namesake, were 12-foot wide molds of the children’s toy, blown up to a giant’s scale and coated in thick concrete. Two people might just barely get their arms around the thick spikes. Held together only by friction, the concrete stars piled on each other from the floor of the ocean to well above my head, surrounding an inner walkway. The hoard of jacks, placed almost haphazardly, created caverns and archways between their thick arms. The adventuring teenager could spend hours climbing and exploring the entanglement. Which, of course, was why we had come.
Clambering up to the walkway, it was a straight walk out into the water. Crisscrossing paths running up and down the pier created a grid of deep pockets dotting the walkway. I had to be careful in the dark not to fall in and twist an ankle — a mistake made on a future trip. As we made out way towards the end of the pier, the walkway suddenly dropped off. A flat wall fell down onto a path circling a hole down into concrete caverns and the ocean below. Just on the other side of the opening stood a small structure, about the size of an outhouse. Above it, a little red light guided the amateur sailor or paddler through the mouth, and out into open water.
After exploring for a bit with my friends, I went off on my own. Waiting for the fireworks to start. Climbing out onto the last of the jacks, beyond the end of the walkway, I sat alone and took in the view. To my right was the harbor, the beach, and the neighborhoods extending up the hill and into a valley. On the left was the open ocean, reaching far out into the horizon, black and calm. Up from the expanse came the stars, scoffing at the dim lights of the town below, no light pollution to blot them out here. Gazing out onto this sight, listening to the water lapping at the concrete below, I felt an utter calm. Clarity of mind and a feeling of connectedness rushed over me. Everything else was falling away. What became prominent at that moment was my relationship to the world around me. For the first time, I was experiencing the necessity and power of being still.
The ancient Stoics called this feeling Sympatheia. A deep and unwavering connection between nature and ourselves. It rests on the idea that we are a part of nature, that everyone and everything together moves as a single organism. It sounds a little melodramatic, but it was in these moments of connection that the philosophers centered themselves and found fulfillment in their place and life.
Stillness and the concept of Sympathiea go hand in hand. The connectedness and the clarity we seek, often unconsciously, can only be found when we have a clear mind. Put another way, our identity is hinged on how we relate to the world. What, after all, are we putting ourselves to work for? In those moments of stillness, we discover the more profound, intrinsic reasons for our work and our passion. But often, especially in the high energy, breakneck pace of today, this stillness and the clarity behind it, become lost in the superficial rush.
To regain that fulfillment, we need to step away from the distractions: the phone, social media, even our own ego. All of these things that take up our time and mental energy only hold us back. We have tricked ourselves into believing that the superficial connections of today will give rise to the fulfillment we are after. Or, even worse, we have forgotten or forsaken our clarity of purpose to serve our ego, our bank account, or whatever other vain measurements we hide behind. The only way to seek meaning and clarity is to dig deeper into ourselves. We won’t find it in our phones or superficial pursuits. To search ourselves, we must create space for stillness. When we clean the house and clear away the mess of thoughts, we have a chance to find the clarity of purpose and true connectedness we actually want deep down.
Stillness, then, is something that must be cultivated. We must find the moments when we can step back from the distractions, or, step out into nature. As Marcus Aurelius wrote in his Meditations, “Meditate often on the interconnectedness and mutual interdependence of all things in the universe. For in a sense, all things are mutually woven together and therefore have an affinity for each other.” As with all things in life, the art of stillness is not one of concept but of choice and action. Go for a walk. Take out the headphones. Put the phone away. Meditate. Practice being here. Practice non-action and presence. It might not be easy at first. Stillness is the most difficult thing for me to face and I struggle with it every day. But as Ryan Holiday, author of stillness is the Key, reminds us, “Be here. Be all of you. Be present. And if you’ve had trouble with this in the past? That’s okay. That’s the nice thing about the present. It keeps showing up to give you a second chance.”
Clear ideas, clear thoughts, clear actions can only be found by a clear mind. By the connected mind. To forgo the chance at stillness, to give in to distraction is to forget ourselves, and worse, ignore the impact we can have on others.
By the morning of New Years Day 2014, I had almost completely forgotten about the feeling I had stumbled on the night before. I hadn’t grasped what was behind that feeling of stillness. So it slipped way. Swallowed up by a career path, I desperately chased after, not fully understanding why. I couldn’t see then, how important it was to take time to be still. I didn’t know that the clarity I was after was behind it all.
This past October, with some spare time before work, I went for a walk. Aimlessly wandering, lost in the cacophony of my head, I found myself sitting under a tree in Boston’s Public Gardens, looking out over the pond. To my left, under the next tree over, a musician played the trombone, improvising over a jazz tune playing softly from his phone. To my right, a family sat at the edge of the pond. The father was taking a picture of mother and son. In a rush, I felt it. The stillness I had left behind. Forgotten, or traded for distraction and purposeless ambition.
After a few moments, I took out my journal and wrote.
‘I’m sitting in the gardens under a tree. There are people everywhere, enjoying the fall. Families taking pictures. There’s a boy softly playing the trombone under the tree next to me.
I didn’t know I needed this. How long has it been since I’ve just been here? I didn’t know I had been starved of stillness.’
Seek stillness, crave it, and practice it. The cost of losing ourselves is too high to let it go.
Abroad in the Everyday
All the best coming of age stories start with something new, a new person, place, or job. We’ve come to believe in the tales of Salinger and Kerouac — a young Holden or Sal, setting off to find themselves, free from the dull constraints of home to discover life as they think it should be.
Even today, its why students everywhere go abroad. We leave for a semester, seeking solace amongst new cultures and friends. We return more mindful and full of clarity — some small terror brimming underneath as we return home, afraid to lose our newfound sense of self.
But perhaps we have taken these stories a bit too literally. Rather than ask why or how we found clarity, we seek to emulate that sense of newness. We travel as often as possible, start new hobbies or projects, jump from friend to friend, all in search of that fleeting newness. Or, put another way, running away from the everydayness in our wake.
What’s important in this search isn’t the objects, or the places, or the people. Its perspectives. The newness of Spain or Iceland or London forces us to look at the everydayness in a new way. The new projects give us room to think differently, reconsider our approach. But why can’t we do this every day? Isn’t it possible that maybe we’ve just forgotten how to experience the mundane? We’ve relegated the present moment for a hit of something different. But, sometimes, all we need is to take a second look.
Instead of traveling to a new place, go abroad in your own life. There is always something worth looking at, worth digging into; we need to be open to it. Newness forces us to open our minds to new possibilities and new ways of being. But what if we decided to skip the hit of novelty and open ourselves up first? Chances are we can and will find meaning in the everyday.
We don’t need to go searching elsewhere for ourselves. We only need to be open to exploring within ourselves. When we reconsider the present, truly absorb what’s around us, and our place in it, we can discover just as much clarity as in any road trip.
Find newness in the mundane. It exists, as long as we believe its there. Open yourself up, take a second look, the clarity we are all searching for is there, and we don’t always need a plane ticket to go searching for it — only a willingness to experience this moment for what it is.
The Second Best Time
“If only I had gone to the gym as a kid, I’d be much WAY healthier now.”
“I would be that rich if I started my company when I was her age.”
“He’s been doing yoga for so long. I wish I did that.”
We spend a lot of time cursing ourselves for not doing something as a child. We regret not starting our grand scheme at age 20, like Zuckerberg or Gates.
What do we do after? Probably not much. Back to the routine and wishful thinking. “It isn’t worth starting now,” we think. “I’m waiting for the big idea to come,” Or worse, “I still have plenty of time.”
Sure it would have been nice to start years ago — the first best time. And yes, maybe we are behind the clock we set for ourselves. But the more we wait, the bigger that gap grows. And the regret with it.
And why wait? Lighting may strike if we wait long enough. Maybe one day we will wake up and feel like going for a run. Or the golden ticket idea will come to us in the shower. But is it worth putting your fulfillment and happiness in the hands of nature? Developing a half-finished idea will get you farther than waiting around for the “perfect” one. The second best time to start is right now.
As the practice piles up, and as the ideas grow, you’ll be glad you took that first step. Put the regret away; stop beating yourself up; stop waiting around, and take action.
Start today. Start now.