by Owen | Feb 3, 2020 | Impromptu
Self-improvement is less setting off down a path than swinging on a pendulum.
We start at the extreme. We spend too much time on Netflix, or our anger is out of control. A lot, or none at all. We don’t know what the best version of ourselves looks like, but we know it’s not here.
So we head in the opposite direction. Our pendulum swings across, and in the momentum and excitement of improvement, we go too far. Now we work all day or don’t stand up for ourselves.
The other extreme we learn is no better. So then, it must be somewhere in between — a balance.
Seeing the spectrum in full, we swing our pendulum back where we came — aiming somewhere in between. Nevertheless, we overshoot the mark, but this time feels a little closer.
Back and forth like this, we go. Learning and triangulating as we go. With each swing, the extremes soften — some work, some play. We learn what it means to be in balance, and the goal becomes more distinct and closer with each pass.
Our pendulum may swing back and forth like this for months, years, or even our whole lives. It may never stop turning.
Some days we will feel closer than ever, and the next we may be up at the edges once again. But, as long as we believe we can swing back down, as long as we keep riding and keep searching, we will keep improving. Closer and closer to balance.
by Owen | Feb 3, 2020 | 2019-2020, Weekend Reflections
What I’m Reading: The Moviegoer by Walker Percy
It took multiple approaches for me to finally get through this one. The novel focuses on the life of Binx Bolling, a near 30-year-old stockbroker living in New Orleans. As with most classic novels of the time, our character is confronting his drab world and conducting a “search,” presumably we think for deep philosophical answers. Unlike most books of this genre, however, there are no quests, dramatic episodes. Just the chronicles of Binx’s normal life, meaningless days at the office, and almost too-normal relationships with family and flings. At first, it was this extreme normality that pushed me away from the book. But, it turned out to be its charm. Of all of the novels I have read, it is perhaps the most reasonable in its philosophy, and therefore, the one we might be able to learn from most.
What I‘m Experimenting With: Chunking
As opposed to “sprinkling,” “chunking” is a method of dividing up your time into large chunks typically multiple hours or a whole day, wholly focused on one activity or project. Between, classes, career, creative projects and personal time, I was struggling to focus on anything at one and jumped from thing to thing throughout the day. The consequence was that I really wasn’t making a lot of headway and I always had too much going on at once. Given, that I am only now in classes two days a week. I decided to double down on those days, doing any and all work related to college in my free time. It was an amazing change. By finishing any and all mandatory class work on those days, I have given myself the freedom to focus on my creative projects or personal time on the other five. The risk, of course, is that two days is not enough. But, even giving myself that edge and freedom of mind have been extremely useful.
A Quote I’m Thinking About:
“The search is what anyone would undertake if he were not sunk in the everydayness of his own life. To become aware of the search is to be onto something. Not to be onto something is to be in despair.”
– Walker Percy, The Moviegoer
by Owen | Jan 31, 2020 | Articles, Philosophy, Practices
The first time I remember finding it was New Year’s Eve 2013, at a place my friends called “The Jacks.” The Jacks, as I would come to learn (and love), was a sort of concrete pier down at the harbor. Over twenty feet wide, It jutted out into the water, extending from the nearby shore. Together with its twin, another blockade opposite, they enclosed a portion beach next to the main docks. A small inlet separated the two piers, just wide enough for a boat to pass through. The Jacks, the pier’s namesake, were 12-foot wide molds of the children’s toy, blown up to a giant’s scale and coated in thick concrete. Two people might just barely get their arms around the thick spikes. Held together only by friction, the concrete stars piled on each other from the floor of the ocean to well above my head, surrounding an inner walkway. The hoard of jacks, placed almost haphazardly, created caverns and archways between their thick arms. The adventuring teenager could spend hours climbing and exploring the entanglement. Which, of course, was why we had come.
Clambering up to the walkway, it was a straight walk out into the water. Crisscrossing paths running up and down the pier created a grid of deep pockets dotting the walkway. I had to be careful in the dark not to fall in and twist an ankle — a mistake made on a future trip. As we made out way towards the end of the pier, the walkway suddenly dropped off. A flat wall fell down onto a path circling a hole down into concrete caverns and the ocean below. Just on the other side of the opening stood a small structure, about the size of an outhouse. Above it, a little red light guided the amateur sailor or paddler through the mouth, and out into open water.
After exploring for a bit with my friends, I went off on my own. Waiting for the fireworks to start. Climbing out onto the last of the jacks, beyond the end of the walkway, I sat alone and took in the view. To my right was the harbor, the beach, and the neighborhoods extending up the hill and into a valley. On the left was the open ocean, reaching far out into the horizon, black and calm. Up from the expanse came the stars, scoffing at the dim lights of the town below, no light pollution to blot them out here. Gazing out onto this sight, listening to the water lapping at the concrete below, I felt an utter calm. Clarity of mind and a feeling of connectedness rushed over me. Everything else was falling away. What became prominent at that moment was my relationship to the world around me. For the first time, I was experiencing the necessity and power of being still.
The ancient Stoics called this feeling Sympatheia. A deep and unwavering connection between nature and ourselves. It rests on the idea that we are a part of nature, that everyone and everything together moves as a single organism. It sounds a little melodramatic, but it was in these moments of connection that the philosophers centered themselves and found fulfillment in their place and life.
Stillness and the concept of Sympathiea go hand in hand. The connectedness and the clarity we seek, often unconsciously, can only be found when we have a clear mind. Put another way, our identity is hinged on how we relate to the world. What, after all, are we putting ourselves to work for? In those moments of stillness, we discover the more profound, intrinsic reasons for our work and our passion. But often, especially in the high energy, breakneck pace of today, this stillness and the clarity behind it, become lost in the superficial rush.
To regain that fulfillment, we need to step away from the distractions: the phone, social media, even our own ego. All of these things that take up our time and mental energy only hold us back. We have tricked ourselves into believing that the superficial connections of today will give rise to the fulfillment we are after. Or, even worse, we have forgotten or forsaken our clarity of purpose to serve our ego, our bank account, or whatever other vain measurements we hide behind. The only way to seek meaning and clarity is to dig deeper into ourselves. We won’t find it in our phones or superficial pursuits. To search ourselves, we must create space for stillness. When we clean the house and clear away the mess of thoughts, we have a chance to find the clarity of purpose and true connectedness we actually want deep down.
Stillness, then, is something that must be cultivated. We must find the moments when we can step back from the distractions, or, step out into nature. As Marcus Aurelius wrote in his Meditations, “Meditate often on the interconnectedness and mutual interdependence of all things in the universe. For in a sense, all things are mutually woven together and therefore have an affinity for each other.” As with all things in life, the art of stillness is not one of concept but of choice and action. Go for a walk. Take out the headphones. Put the phone away. Meditate. Practice being here. Practice non-action and presence. It might not be easy at first. Stillness is the most difficult thing for me to face and I struggle with it every day. But as Ryan Holiday, author of stillness is the Key, reminds us, “Be here. Be all of you. Be present. And if you’ve had trouble with this in the past? That’s okay. That’s the nice thing about the present. It keeps showing up to give you a second chance.”
Clear ideas, clear thoughts, clear actions can only be found by a clear mind. By the connected mind. To forgo the chance at stillness, to give in to distraction is to forget ourselves, and worse, ignore the impact we can have on others.
By the morning of New Years Day 2014, I had almost completely forgotten about the feeling I had stumbled on the night before. I hadn’t grasped what was behind that feeling of stillness. So it slipped way. Swallowed up by a career path, I desperately chased after, not fully understanding why. I couldn’t see then, how important it was to take time to be still. I didn’t know that the clarity I was after was behind it all.
This past October, with some spare time before work, I went for a walk. Aimlessly wandering, lost in the cacophony of my head, I found myself sitting under a tree in Boston’s Public Gardens, looking out over the pond. To my left, under the next tree over, a musician played the trombone, improvising over a jazz tune playing softly from his phone. To my right, a family sat at the edge of the pond. The father was taking a picture of mother and son. In a rush, I felt it. The stillness I had left behind. Forgotten, or traded for distraction and purposeless ambition.
After a few moments, I took out my journal and wrote.
‘I’m sitting in the gardens under a tree. There are people everywhere, enjoying the fall. Families taking pictures. There’s a boy softly playing the trombone under the tree next to me.
I didn’t know I needed this. How long has it been since I’ve just been here? I didn’t know I had been starved of stillness.’
Seek stillness, crave it, and practice it. The cost of losing ourselves is too high to let it go.
by Owen | Jan 29, 2020 | Impromptu, Philosophy
All the best coming of age stories start with something new, a new person, place, or job. We’ve come to believe in the tales of Salinger and Kerouac — a young Holden or Sal, setting off to find themselves, free from the dull constraints of home to discover life as they think it should be.
Even today, its why students everywhere go abroad. We leave for a semester, seeking solace amongst new cultures and friends. We return more mindful and full of clarity — some small terror brimming underneath as we return home, afraid to lose our newfound sense of self.
But perhaps we have taken these stories a bit too literally. Rather than ask why or how we found clarity, we seek to emulate that sense of newness. We travel as often as possible, start new hobbies or projects, jump from friend to friend, all in search of that fleeting newness. Or, put another way, running away from the everydayness in our wake.
What’s important in this search isn’t the objects, or the places, or the people. Its perspectives. The newness of Spain or Iceland or London forces us to look at the everydayness in a new way. The new projects give us room to think differently, reconsider our approach. But why can’t we do this every day? Isn’t it possible that maybe we’ve just forgotten how to experience the mundane? We’ve relegated the present moment for a hit of something different. But, sometimes, all we need is to take a second look.
Instead of traveling to a new place, go abroad in your own life. There is always something worth looking at, worth digging into; we need to be open to it. Newness forces us to open our minds to new possibilities and new ways of being. But what if we decided to skip the hit of novelty and open ourselves up first? Chances are we can and will find meaning in the everyday.
We don’t need to go searching elsewhere for ourselves. We only need to be open to exploring within ourselves. When we reconsider the present, truly absorb what’s around us, and our place in it, we can discover just as much clarity as in any road trip.
Find newness in the mundane. It exists, as long as we believe its there. Open yourself up, take a second look, the clarity we are all searching for is there, and we don’t always need a plane ticket to go searching for it — only a willingness to experience this moment for what it is.
by Owen | Jan 27, 2020 | Creativity, Impromptu, Practices
“If only I had gone to the gym as a kid, I’d be much WAY healthier now.”
“I would be that rich if I started my company when I was her age.”
“He’s been doing yoga for so long. I wish I did that.”
We spend a lot of time cursing ourselves for not doing something as a child. We regret not starting our grand scheme at age 20, like Zuckerberg or Gates.
What do we do after? Probably not much. Back to the routine and wishful thinking. “It isn’t worth starting now,” we think. “I’m waiting for the big idea to come,” Or worse, “I still have plenty of time.”
Sure it would have been nice to start years ago — the first best time. And yes, maybe we are behind the clock we set for ourselves. But the more we wait, the bigger that gap grows. And the regret with it.
And why wait? Lighting may strike if we wait long enough. Maybe one day we will wake up and feel like going for a run. Or the golden ticket idea will come to us in the shower. But is it worth putting your fulfillment and happiness in the hands of nature? Developing a half-finished idea will get you farther than waiting around for the “perfect” one. The second best time to start is right now.
As the practice piles up, and as the ideas grow, you’ll be glad you took that first step. Put the regret away; stop beating yourself up; stop waiting around, and take action.
Start today. Start now.
