by Owen | Apr 27, 2020 | Uncategorized
What I’m Re-Reading: Meditations by Marcus Aurelius
Last week I promised myself I’d pick up this book again. And so I have, but this time around I’m trying to be more deliberate about my read through. I’m taking the emperor’s journals on my daily walks. Reading a section or two a day and putting it aside to think on its contents. I first read this stoic handbook a little less than a year ago. I picked it up mostly out of curiosity and a few recommendations. At the time I had no idea what Stoicism really was. I blazed through it on the 4-hour train ride from New York to Boston and stuffed it away with my other books. But over time the book kept sneaking up on me and Stoicism became more and more apparent as a personal philosophy. Eventually, I picked up Seneca and Epictetus and I was floored by its relevance. Reading it back now its a world of change. Things that seemed esoteric now seem absolutely vital to its importance. As Heraclitus says, and Aurelius quotes: “No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it’s not the same river and he’s not the same man.”
What I’m Sprinting Towards: Graduation
It’s just around the corner. Although not physically graduating, I’m finished with my 4 years this coming Thursday. As with all hyped societal events it feels a little anti-climactic, but maybe that’s the pandemic’s fault. At this point, it feels more like dull anticipation, exciting, but muddled with “let’s just get this over with already.” While things aren’t exactly set in stone for the “after” everyone wants to know about, I’m not blind either. Its a little shaky but the future looks good or fun at the very least. That being said there’s only so many times I’m going to answer the question “what now?” in the next two weeks so get your tickets in now.
by Owen | Apr 20, 2020 | 2019-2020, Weekend Reflections
What I’m Reading: Damned by Chuck Palahniuk
I completely forgot about this crazy, crazy book until passing it by on my Goodreads feed. I first read it back in high-school and never got around to picking up the sequel. For those who are unfamiliar, Palahniuk, who wrote Fight Club, and some more of my favorites, tends to write som pretty dark, twisted, but somehow enjoyable and meaningful novels. This one is no exception. Without giving away too much I’d best describe this book as a sort of Judy-Blume-Breakfast-Club in Hell. What seems like a fun commentary on hell and teenage-dom can actually reveal itself to pose some interesting questions about the nature of ego and our relation to death.
What I’m Doing for My Health: Going For Walks
Walks have always been a part of my routine. I tend to take the scenic route most places, take a long way home, skip the first train stop. So while it is something I do often, it’s always been a sort of natural part of my day, if not perhaps out of the way. So it was especially weird to go without that for the first few weeks of quarantine. Because walking had always been a thing I just did, I never had to make time for it or force myself to go out. Now, as the depression creeps up, I’m doing everything I can to make it a part of my day. I go out for 4 miles or so around sunset, maybe pop in an audiobook or just walk in silence and think. Its truly been liberating. Though the days are lacking motivation and I’m getting a little cranky, these walks have been a sort of equalizer for all of this craziness and it’s helped to keep some of the more dangerous demons at bay.
What I Need to Get Back To: Philosophy
It’s been tough to keep up with dense reading as my personal philosophy begins to wane with every day. Sometimes I’m tempted to dive back into hard-hitting topics or personal confrontations but find myself falling brain-dead pretty fast. So, to follow through, I am going to pick up my favorite Stoic text, Meditations, tomorrow. Hopefully, it will give me a new resurgence of energy. And yes, I know it sounds particularly desperate or perhaps even nerdy, but Marcus’ writing really does reach out to combat some of the very issues we are facing right now. And I think no matter the source, we could all use a kick in the ass about now. I recommend it to any of those who are even the slightest bit curious. At the very least to shake some of those misconceptions we all have about philosophy, particularly Stoicism.
by Owen | Apr 12, 2020 | 2019-2020, Weekend Reflections
What I’m Working On: Staying Healthy (As Possible)
It’s incredibly easy to be unhealthy right now. My gym is closed and working out at home isn’t quite cutting it. So inevitably I’ve had to rely on tightening up on my nutrition. Food has always been a dangerous variable in my life. I’ve struggled with body dysmorphia for a long time. And while I’ve been able to cope, a crisis like this makes it very difficult to keep a clear head. There’s never an apparent fix to ED and dysmorphic disorders. I find journaling and daily runs/walks help a lot. But of course, the demon always comes creeping back to the mirror. The best we can do right now is try to keep a clear mind and be lenient with ourselves. Things won’t be the same, we will slip up, and that’s okay. It’s important to remember that this is just a moment in time. We will be able to get back to our routines and our “optimum” routines. Forgive yourself now so you can come back strong later. Do what you can, and be comfortable with change.
What I’m Struggling With: Focus
I can’t seem to focus on anything for longer than 20 minutes. Doing any kind of long-form work or activity is somehow out of reach. My work has plummeted, writing feels like a chore, and my reading habits are jumpy at best. I have a feeling everyone else is going through something similar. Somehow the only things that feel normal are things that I have put away until recently. Suddenly video games are providing the most comfort — the craziness of the outside world outmatches fantasy for once. Usually, I would chide myself for spending so much time playing games and watching TV but I’m not sure I can afford to be that hard on myself right now. I’d love to get a bit more writing done and be a bit more productive but I also don’t think I can afford to ask too much of myself. A little every day is the most we can ask of ourselves right now. Choose alive time when we can, and forgive ourselves if we need a moment to choose comfort.
A Quote I’m Thinking About
“I have learned to be a friend to myself Great improvement this indeed Such a one can never be said to be alone for know that he who is a friend to himself is a friend to all mankind”
Seneca The Younger
by Owen | Apr 5, 2020 | 2019-2020, Weekend Reflections
What I’m Reading: Moneyball by Michael Lewis:
Every time I think I’m done with Lewis’ work I keep coming back. Worse. I keep putting other books down to pick up the next. My reading habits haven’t fared well during the shelter in place. I can’t seem to pick up new books or dense topics. Lewis’s work, however, has been a good anchor for my habit. It’s just the right balance of interesting and fun to keep me going (without going insane).
What I’m Struggling With: Liminal Time
We are all approaching the breaking point of this COVID-19 shutdown. Just about everyone I’ve talked to has started to go just a little bit stir-crazy and its picking up fast. The issue here, at least for me, seems to be all of the liminal time. I’ve never been particularly good at doing nothing. I tend to bounce from activity to activity and I always need to be doing something (something I’m working on), so these last few weeks have been particularly agonizing. For now, I’m doing my best to maintain habits as best I can and find activities that balance relaxation and work. I’m turning to philosophy where I can. Perhaps after all of this, we can all be a little more comfortable with downtime. We might all be better for it.
A Quote I’m Thinking About:
“Never let the future disturb you. You will meet it, if you have to, with the same weapons of reason which today arm you against the present.”
Marcus Aurelius – Meditations
This is particularly pressing for most college students right now. Any future (in the short term) we had prepared for is now as foggy as it’s ever been. Remember, we can’t predict or fear the future. All we can do its confront it with the tools we have, and do our best to come out the other side better than we went in.
This Weeks Posts:
by Owen | Apr 3, 2020 | Impromptu
You are wrong about a lot of things. Most importantly, you are wrong about your own abilities. Chances are you can do much more than you believe. The only way to improve then is to prove yourself wrong.
We plan every day more or less the same. The same workout schedule, the same work time, the same everything. Every day. The same. While routine is a great tool, we need to be careful not to trick ourselves. The danger here is assuming our method is also maximizing our effort. And while that may be true at first, we will always grow into the space we give ourselves. Before long, we’ve become comfortable. And comfort is the enemy of progress.
“I always run for 3 miles, so why run any more?” “I’ve never written more than a page.” “We only publish on Fridays, so there’s no way we could publish again on Monday.”
All of these are lies of comfort. When we start to talk like this, we know we’ve become complacent. The biggest impediment to growth and progress is what we tell ourselves. We are almost always more capable than we believe ourselves to be.
To get back on the path of progress, we need to break these patterns. We must prove ourselves wrong. Feel like going for a 30-minute run? Run for 35. Usually, write a page? Do a page and a half. A little more every day.
It’s going to be tough at first, but it’s going to feel amazing to conquer new territory. Before long, these further limitations will become comfortable again. And once again, we will need to prove ourselves wrong.
Don’t believe the voices in your head or the limitations you think you have. There’s always more in the tank if you dig deep enough.
Scared? Good. That means you are on the right track. Fight against your intuition and push yourself. You are wrong. And it’s worth everything to prove that.
