OwEn Meadows

What I Accomplished: I Built a Blanket Fort

Writing that heading, I realize it could sound like some kind of metaphor for re-discovering my inner child or something like that. But no, I really did build a blanket fort, and it’s awesome. Maybe it did bring out some of the kid in me, but those are the moments I love. If there’s anything I’ve learned from being stuck in lockdown, it’s that I gave up too much of myself before to expectations, and I won’t do it again. It’s better to wait out a pandemic in a fort you made yourself than trapped in a place you forced yourself to be.

What I’m Working Towards: A Writing Routine

Last week, I mentioned that my writing habit began here, with weekly updates, as a way to practice and refine my passion. But that practice has to go somewhere; for a time, I was able to publish a few posts a week, some updates, some impromptu, and an article or two. Unfortunately, I was never able to close in on a writing routine for myself. I didn’t have specific goals or an outline of what I wanted to publish when. It’s a big part of why I fell off the wagon for so long. In hindsight, then, I’m working to build up my writing stamina, and hopefully, soon, These weekly posts will give way to more. So, in the interest of setting goals, keep an eye out for some posts this upcoming week. Ideas are still floating around, but I’m looking forward to getting more on the page and out into the world.

What I’m Reading: Conspiracy by Ryan Holiday

To me, narrative non-fiction is one of the best forms of storytelling out there. Locked in by fact and history, the genre takes apart seemingly simple moments in life and reveals the complex, almost unbelievable tales of real-life if only you looked closer. And this story is no different. Some may remember gossip rumblings about wrestling superstar Hulk Hogan and a leaked sex tape a few years ago. If you paid attention any farther, you might remember Hogan’s lawsuit against media gossip giant Gawker for its release, earning him more than a hundred million dollars in damages. For most, that was the whole story. But in reality, that was the culmination of a decade long conspiracy, plotted in the shadows, to bankrupt Gawker and its owner Nick Denton. Who was behind it? Silicon Valley investor and billionaire Peter Thiel. Why? A personal slight and a vendetta against harmful media. Holiday explores the complexities, machinery, and personnel behind the conspiracy and how it all came to play out. Behind the story itself, Conspiracy shows the real influence of people in power and that the things we believe impossible can be committed behind closed doors.

A Quote I’m Thinking About:

“The intention must be crystal clear, straight and balanced.

Once the arrow has gone, it will not come back, so it is better to interrupt a shot, because the movements that led up to it were not sufficiently precise and correct, than to act carelessly, simply because the bow was fully drawn and the target was waiting”

The Archer by Paulo Coelho

When I originally started this blog, I had no idea what to write, but I knew I needed to write something. My first posts were basic updates on my life, 3-5 simple little thoughts, and reflections. At first, they were just meant to help me get started, fill the page, and get used to hitting publish. But over time, those little updates, even if no one was reading them, became a deep-rooted source of self-awareness and fun. I reflected like this every week for most of 2019 and through the first months of 2020 until the pandemic. Now, with life moving forward, if not out, I wanted to return to that practice again and take the time to post openly here again. Feel free to keep up with my life here as well. Hopefully, you find some interest in my ramblings.

What I’m Confronting: An Outspoken Balance

For most of my life, I’ve remained incredibly tight-lipped about my political and social stances. I have the privilege to go through life without fear of policy or activism affecting my life in any way other than conceptually. And, like many in my position, I chose to remain quiet about them for a long time. It was not because I thought my views were wrong or even opposed to my peers, but because my privilege allowed my silence and breaking that exposed me and that privilege. I saw my ability to remain quiet, draw no attention as an asset, rather than the vice it more often is.

And yet, sitting alone in my apartment, watching the tremors of the pandemic, the Black Lives Matter movement, and the rising tide of insurrection through my place of quiet, the walls started to crumble. I started breaking out into internet fights with the delusions of the conservatives on my page. I doomscrolled through Twitter and scoffed with every passing post. Like a pendulum released, I swung, hard and fast, to the other extreme. Though I was now open to the world about my thoughts, supporting those I cared about, I had no control, no nuance. Now my privilege gave way to a weaponized ego. Trodding wherever I could without consideration. It’s taken time, but I’ve started to find balance. My thoughts and feelings have become more nuanced. I’ve come to resent the years I spent in silence. It’s not perfect, but I am learning when and what to speak up about and when to let others step forward. I come to understand that there is no neutrality in the issues that really matter.

What I’m Reading: The Midnight Library by Matt Haig

I’m not typically one for popular fiction, but Matt Haig’s The Midnight Library has me taken aback. The story centers on the approaching-middle-aged Nora, who has squandered every opportunity given to her out of “life-fright.” On the verge of her death, she finds herself in the titular Midnight Library, where every possible path of her life exists as a book she may experience by cracking the spine. Her life as a rockstar, an Olympic medalist, even a glaciologist is all there for her to experience, if only she had done things differently. Reading that description, it’s hard not to think the book is riddled with tropes. And yet, to my surprise, the book subverts them every time. Halfway through, and I have no idea where the story is headed. I have to admit, it has me hooked. Perhaps I ought to give more new fiction a chance.

P.S. I tend to read a lot, and not every book makes it into these weekly recommendations. If you are interested in my other reads and rec’s sign up for my newsletter, where I send out a monthly reading roundup.

A Quote I’m Stuck On:

“People learn, early in their lives, what is their reason for being. Maybe that’s why they give up so early, too.”

The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho

What I’m Reading: Between the World and Me by Ta-Nehisi Coates

One of the first books recommended to me on my path of anti-racist activism. The book takes the form of a letter from Coates to his then 15-year-old son. More poetry than prose, Coates walks his son through his life, confronting a kind of fear and identity that his now teenaged son sees in himself through the murder of Trayvon Martin. It’s beautiful and bleak. How could it not be? I can never claim to understand the experiences and lessons of this book, but even its short window into this world has deeply affected the way I confront my own role and privilege. Though just a step, this has become one of the more vital pieces of my anti-racist education.

What I’m Reconciling: My Expectations

The reality of the future has never been more evident than during this pandemic. That may sound odd or counter to the confusion we are all experiencing, but that’s just it. The future has always been this way, unpredictable and unwieldy. We only see it for what it has always been. Pre-pandemic, the future we thought we knew was just a function of our expectations. We saw the lives we were racing towards, opportunities and lifestyles waiting for us to grab them. The confusion we now feel is us reconciling those expectations with the truth that none of those things were ever sure. Now we must adjust. Rather than cling to a career or lifestyle, we need to prepare to be open to change. The passing on this pandemic is not a return to normalcy. What we have learned about the nature of the future continues to be real with or without a virus. So we must adjust our mindset to prepare and be comfortable with change in all its forms. Expectations and rooted passions can unhinge us from that reality if we are not careful. The danger of the future is not the future itself but in how we confront it. Better to take what we can with open arms then deny the truth of what comes next.